Breeder of Registered Miniature                 Donkeys, Quality Breeding Stock, and Lovable Pets

MUFFIE'S CHRISTMAS

BY Carolyn Christian

At 9:00 P.M. on a cold December night, the annual Christmas Cantata at Franklin Baptist Church had just ended. Residents in the town of Franklin, population 1400, turned out in numbers for this event which was not unusual for folks in this small Texas town. If you lived in a town of only 1400, you would probably show up for the installation of a new stop sign! They had heard that there would be live animals in this cantata, and all the seamstresses and artists in town were busy with costumes and sets. With that "hot news" the sanctuary was full for the first of four performances. As folks left the church, people were commenting on the beautiful flowing robe that Pete, I mean, one of the wise men was wearing. Several mentioned how beautiful the music and decorations were. Still others thought that Stephen Spielberg couldn't have put on a better production. But the burning question that EVERYONE was asking was..........."Where's Muffin?" She had even gotten top billing in the bulletin where it read "Donkey....Muffin". What publicity! Yes, Pete and I had come with a donkey and left with an aspiring actress complete with her own fan club. If it sounds like one of those Lana Turner drugstore discoveries, it was. My Muffin had become an overnight STAR! She found an agent and began taking bookings for next year's Christmas gig at the Methodist church. It all began like this.

I received a call in late November from Rick, our music minister, who asked if I would bring one of our donkeys to accompany Mary and Joseph (actually Lela and David) on the way to Bethlehem (actually down the center aisle of the church to the stage). Knowing that my December was entirely too busy to fit this into my calendar, I said, "Of course I will"! When it comes to sharing our donkeys with the public, "no" is not a choice. Thus began Muffie's journey to stardom. Muffin was my immediate choice for this most holy and regal event. She is a four year old, gray-dun jennet that is one of the donkeys we take to fairs, schools, television tapings, etc. All we have to say is "Muffie, do you want to go to...." and she has her halter and lead rope in hand and is fumbling around for the truck keys! It was completely obvious to me that Muffin, with her sense of adventure and her typical donkey curiosity, would play her part with the grace of Helen Hayes and the charm of Meryl Streep. I must have been on drugs!

Saturday morning, the day of the performance. 10:00 A.M. Dress Rehearsal. I had confidently told Rick that Muffie, being the professional that she was, only needed to attend the dress rehearsal. Even a fine actress can over-rehearse, you know! So we pulled up to the church, unloaded Muffin, and discussed where she was to enter and EXACTLY what she was to do with Rick whose sole and burning question was whether or not she was going to poop on the carpet. I assured him that she would make it a point to make a deposit in the trailer before she went "on". The thought did cross my mind to have some fun with one of the stuffy old deacons who is fussy about the foyer, but I didn't think Muff was that disciplined to poop on cue! At any rate, Rick told us to enter from the back door, walk into the foyer, wait for Mary and Joseph, walk with them down the center aisle to the front of the church, wait for a cue, walk up onto the stage where Muffin and Joseph will stand until Mary's solo was over, then all three would exit by the side door. I made sure Muffie was in on this conversation so that if she felt uncomfortable with this arrangement or didn't understand the motivation for her scenes, she could ask Rick. I felt secure when she didn't have a question. About that time, Rick yelled "OK. Let's begin our run through".

I first sensed trouble when Muffie took a look at the wheel-chair ramp that led to the back door. I saw the hair stand up on the back of her tail and the vains in her neck bulge. Simultaneously, the whites of her eyes began to show and her nostrils flared. I hoped that she was just trying to get into character, but then she deposited a little nervous love offering on the grass. Not a good sign! I tried to justify this as being her donation to the landscape. After all, charitable contributions are tax deductible. Luckily, Muffie decided that the wheel-chair ramp was made of cement like streets and sidewalks. No problem. She's walked on that before. She even worked up a donkey giggle thinking of the stupid human that made THIS sidewalk taller at one end than the other! As we approached, one kind choir member opened the door to the foyer. That was when Muffin saw it- THE RED STAINS ON THE FLOOR OF THE CHURCH! It was the blood of donkeys who had been used as a sacrifice during some cult ritual that stained the floor red. It was really red carpet but she liked her version better. Their only mistake was entering the church to be in a Christmas cantata. After much coaxing, she managed to get both front feet within a razor blade width of touching the carpet. By now, we had drawn the attention of Mary and Joseph who were hoping that this was just the stand-in for the real donkey who would walk gleefully down the aisle with them without coaxing. I urged them to not panic, this was just opening night jitters. As I turned around, I saw Muffin airborne and headed straight at me. She had seen Butch and Sundance jump off the cliff and into the river and thought "I can do that." and so she did. She wanted to quote them as they descended into the water, but remembered she was in church. As I stepped aside, she landed in front of me on all fours like a Rumanian gymnast.

Once inside, Muffie's eyes found Mary. Mary (really Lela) fell in love with Muff and the two of them bonded immediately. Not only was Mary short like her, but she was pregnant like her too. (I didn't want to ruin it for Muffie and tell her Mary was faking it with a pillow.) The two of them had so much in common although it was obvious that Mary was much further along than Muffin. Joseph looked scary with his black mustache and beard and that tall meat cleaver he carried called a staff. Muff decided to hang with the pregnant lady. When Rick yelled for the fifth time for us to enter, Mary, Joseph, Muffin, and I headed for the sanctuary. Once again the doors flew open and this time, it was me who had the vision. I saw myself in a casket at the end of this 20 mile long aisle that led to the front of the church. People were asking how I died and Pete (who, by the way, was inconsolable with grief and now forever celibate!) told them that I died of old age trying to get Muffie to walk down the aisle at the Christmas cantata. Muff took one step forward then two steps back. She inspected each and every pew to see if all the hymnals were there and no one had taken any home. She cringed when the sopranos hit the high C, thinking it was some of the coyotes she hears at night. She couldn't understand why we were going TOWARD all those screaming people. Was it like a near death experience where people walk toward the light in the tunnel. Or was she merely a donkey about to be fried like a fly in a bug zapper? She determined to stay with the pregnant lady. Surely no one would hurt two ladies who are in a family way! Needless to say, the dress rehearsal didn't go well. As I loaded Muffin in the trailer, I could sense that Rick was trying to figure out how to tell both of us not to come back. I think it was the tear in his eye that gave me that impression. I reassured him that this happens all the time, and that he would not be chasing Muffie through the baptistry during his cantata. I don't think he believed me. I think it was the tear in MY eye that gave him that impression. As we pulled away from the church, I remembered that the cantata we were performing was called "Night of Miracles". Boy, the composer must have read my mind!

It's 7:00 P.M. Thirty minutes until showtime. The first thing I noticed when I sheepishly took Muff from the trailer was that it was nighttime. I could tell because it was DARK! Like a drowning victim, I saw my life flash in front of me because it was at that moment that I realized that everything Muffin had encountered earlier in the day had been easy to see. That won't be the case tonight. Night is dark! I'm dead! I sensed that something had changed when Muffie led ME to the wheel-chair ramp. She guided me up the ramp and through the open door to the foyer where we could barely see Joseph and Mary in the dark. She walked right in and headed straight for Mary to ask her if she has been having any swelling in her feet? I thought I was hallucinating and just missed the flying donkey act at the entrance. We waited for our cue and once again the doors to the now DARK sanctuary flew open. I stood frozen in a time warp, holding my breath, as Mary, Joseph, and Muffin walked slowly down the aisle. It's a miracle! Muffin was doing everything right! I knew the miracle would end soon though when I saw the cages of pigeons and doves at the very spot that Muffie had to ascend the stage. Why did Rick do this to me? Maybe they're fakes. No sooner did that thought cross my mind that they began to come unglued. Why are 70 screaming first century Jewish people in funny clothes and an approaching animal with big ears so frightening to birds? To my surprise, and I'm sure to Rick's, Muffie gave no notice to the birds. They are just bit players she thought- I'm the STAR! Muffie took her place on stage and attentively listened to her friend Mary sing about how blessed she was to be giving birth to the Messiah. Muffie knew the feeling. She felt the same way about her pregnancy although her circumstance was much different. Mary's pregnancy was divine and holy. Muffin's was caused by a roll in the hay with Barney, a known womanizer.

After a few more numbers, the three of them left stage right where I was waiting to take Muffie through the maze of hallways that led to her dressing room (O.K., the kitchen) to wait for the finale. By the third performance, she was leading me to the kitchen. I was so proud of her and I told her so. She looked at me as if to say, "What else did you expect? I'm Muffin, the actress, perhaps you've heard of me!" After the first night's performance, it was all over Franklin about Muff. I never took so much grief when the weather turned cold and wet and I decided not to take Muffin to the last performance, after all, she WAS four months pregnant. People had brought cameras and kids to see "Muffin" not just a donkey. For months afterward, we were asked how Muffin was doing. Has she had the baby yet? Is she going to be in the next cantata? The choir adopted Muff as their mascot and she LOVED the attention.

After the cantata was over and my nerves were back to normal, I thought back about Muffie, Mary and Joseph walking down the dimly lit aisle that night. Mary had a nap sack that she was holding on Muffin's back. I imagined the real Mary having a similar one containing her personal items along with a new blanket she had made for the soon to be son of hers and the world's. Joseph had Muffie's lead in one hand and with his other hand, was supporting his pregnant wife as they walked toward an humble stable, just the three of them. I bet the real Joseph did the same. I thought of how blessed the donkey is to be descendents of that very special donkey so long ago. I remembered how people from the choir and the audience had told me that tears came to their eyes when they saw the three of them enter the church. It looked so real. It made us feel that we were transported for a brief moment to that first Christmas. That we could sense the reality of Jesus's birth. And that Muffin's presence was the reason. As I stood in the back of the candle lit church that night, watching my donkey behave well and with gentle donkey grace, I was reminded how truly blessed we donkey owners are to have the gift of knowing these precious animals. My love affair with these donkeys and with Muff grew even more than I thought possible. No one can convince me that she didn't understand the importance of what she was doing. It was truly a "Night of Miracles" that night in Franklin as well as that night 2000 years ago. May you all experience your own miracles.